10 Rules for TAs, or: How NOT to Act Around Undergrads

I've noticed that I'm becoming more of the eternal asshole that I was apparently born to be. This seems to come out more in my daily interactions with everyone whom I lovingly refer to as "the help*." However, I maintain the fact that one of the many few things I know how to do well is to tell people how NOT to act. This is mostly because I approach the vast majority of situations with either complete ignorance or as a robot whose "I don't give a fuck-dar" wasn't properly installed.

This is especially true of my interactions with undergrads. But your humble narrator must beg your indulgence, fair reader, for he assures you that his interactions with the plebeians of Academia have been everywhere on the spectrum from entertaining to embarrassingly shocking. I, therefore, consider this post to be a public service to all of you fellow grad students who are struggling with the utter impossibility of interaction with people who are, at most, seven years younger than you.

1.) The "three F's" should not be done with undergrads under MOST circumstances:

• Fighting...stay Socratic
• Feeding...their stomachs are black holes.
• Fucking...a good rule of thumb: if they're wearing a shirt that says "Class of '0something," no...just...no.

2.) Have your office hours wherever and whenever is the most comfortable for you. In other words, students NEVER come to them, so you might as well be at a place where you can have beer...trust me, after grading some particularly fucktarded essays you will NEED alcohol.

3.) Yes, you are technically working *for* your professor...but let's be honest, in your proverbial fiefdom, you are GOD.

4.) As a rule, what works with the other TAs, will only have marginal success at best with you.

5.) Ockham's Razor applied to Students: If a student asks a question that's in your super-specific sub area(s), a one sentence (max) response from you will be the only thing they will understand before your "superbrain" causes their supposed defunct one to implode.

6.) The only correct response to give a student who has just made a pass at you is "thank you."

7.) If you TA in an introductory lecture class, don't be a hard-ass grader. They all have to take the course for Christ's sake.

8.) Never talk about yourself in the following ways (unless, of course, you use VERY awkward humor like I do):

• Your sexual preferences.
• Your religion.
• Your politics.
• Your personal hatred of frats...even if it's all-consuming like mine.

9.) Never ask a student the following:

• Their sexual preferences, unless, of course, Rule 1 doesn't apply...and it CAN.
• Why they think Dave Matthews and Dane Cook are awesome...long story short, they won't know, but their friends like them!
• A question that has to be followed up by a long clarification.

10.) When it all boils down to it, you're doing this for the students. If you're not, then do something else.

That's all for now.

Until next time,

T


*This is actually quite serious.