Since I've done a lot of what might seem as "woman-bashing" recently, I thought I'd at least treat the other side to a good lashing.
The idea of what it means to be a "man" in modern society is quite confusing for many reasons. The most striking is that there is quite a lot of pressure coming from different directions. For example, if a man wants to act as a "traditional" man did/should they are labelled, cursorily, as a "chauvinist" or at least as someone who doesn't properly recognize the leaps that have been made in sexual equality in the 20th century. But...suppose that a man don the label of "feminist." Scary stuff, I know. What will this man be called? "Gay," "wuss," or "how can a man be a feminist?" (NOTE: This is why I don't like the sexually-loaded term "feminism.")
The point is that "masculinity" doesn't exist because there is no prevailing notion of what it means to be a "man" in the modern world. This is both good and bad. It is good because now men are able to live more honestly, if they so choose, in non-traditional roles. It is bad because there is still enough residual feeling of traditional masculinity in the older generations (aka, parents), that younger males are essentially barred from their pursuits while still being tantalized by the possibility that they could be achieved.
The lack of a prevailing notion of masculinity also results in many different subgroups who all have different icons of what they deem to be a "man." For simplicity's sake, I will lump these groups into four different categories, each with a "good" and a "bad" label attached:
Traditional/Frat-boy:
Doesn't want change and never will. Highest aspirations include: getting into the best legal/accounting/engineering firm in the country, buying a house in the suburbs, and generally continuing the same boring cycle that birthed them. Icons: Vince Vaughn, Tucker Max, any neo-conservative politician.
Nerd/Slacker:
Any character Seth Rogen has played or ever will play will fall into the latter half of this category. Characterized by a *strong* affinity for anything that does not involve a great amount of physical activity; be it Star Wars or pot. Icons: Steve Jobs, George Lucas, Super Dimension Fortress Macross.
Hyper-masculine/Guido:
There is a lot of overlap between this group and the "traditional/frat-boy" group, except this group really likes fast, loud, and obnoxious. Very concerned with their looks. Often found wearing shirts that are at least two sizes to small for them because "I've totally been hittin' the gym, and I can't just go buy a whole new wardrobe every time my pecs swell!" Icons: Vin Diesel, Jason Statham, The Situation.
"Non-conformist"/Emo:
This group doesn't do things because they're "lame," yet can't really give a valid argument besides that's what the "conformists" do. Enjoys writing bad poetry (often with a lot of thanatophilia), criticizing everyone around them except for themselves, and listening to Dashboard Confessional. Icons: Che Guevara (even though they only wear the t-shirt), Holden Caulfield, and a base-level of appreciation of Hunter S. Thompson.
I'll go more in-depth with this later.
Until next time,
T
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
10 Things I Wish I had Known Before I Wrote my Thesis.
10.) Subsisting solely on baked goods, caffeine, and nicotine is negatively correlated to the amount of work you get done. AKA, the more jacked you are, the less likely you'll be able to sit still long enough to work.
9.) The paper you started out with and the paper you end with have about as many things in common as dinosaurs and blowjobs.
8.) If you're like me and didn't take any classes the semester you wrote your thesis, you will NOT give a shit about how your students are doing.
7.) Forget working out.
6.) Forget eating decently.
5.) Forget any semblance of a normal sleep schedule.
4.) You will not, under any circumstances, be able to accurately convey what your thesis is about to another person in words. They have to read it.
3.) They won't understand it.
2.) I was advised that the best thing that you can do when writing a thesis is to, at some point, stop researching and actually start writing it. I did not do this. You will not do this.
1.) Size doesn't matter...just get the shit done.
9.) The paper you started out with and the paper you end with have about as many things in common as dinosaurs and blowjobs.
8.) If you're like me and didn't take any classes the semester you wrote your thesis, you will NOT give a shit about how your students are doing.
7.) Forget working out.
6.) Forget eating decently.
5.) Forget any semblance of a normal sleep schedule.
4.) You will not, under any circumstances, be able to accurately convey what your thesis is about to another person in words. They have to read it.
3.) They won't understand it.
2.) I was advised that the best thing that you can do when writing a thesis is to, at some point, stop researching and actually start writing it. I did not do this. You will not do this.
1.) Size doesn't matter...just get the shit done.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Of Birthers, Tea Partiers, and other Generic Fuck-tards.
Turn on any cable news channel. Watch it for an hour. Done? Thought so. Chances are, you heard at LEAST one of the following:
"His name is Barrack HUSSEIN!!!!! Obama. He's one of them goddamn Islams!"
"Is he a Muslim? I dunno. Does he have a birth certificate? I dunno, I'm just asking questions!"
"Barrack HUSSEIN!!!!!!! Obama has plunged this nation into pants-shitting, dear-Lord-God-Almighty-I-hope-I-don't-have-to-sell-my-kidney-to-buy-porn debt!"
Okay. Maybe they didn't *actually* say those things outright, but let's be honest, you know what I'm talking about. What will Barry O have to do to prove to people that he was born in America and is not a Muslim (not that that's a problem)? He's going to have to build a Star Gate-like contraption and go back in time to the exact moment of his birth (in America) and his baptism, and, while leaving the portal open, have these two events broadcasted on EVERY news channel in the country in order to convince the ignorant, white-trash, racists that they're wrong! But even then, Glenn Beck would heroically swoop down and save the day, convincing them that what they've witnessed is a conspiracy propagated by secular-humanist, liberal, progressive, American-hating, Islamic Communo-Fascists and that he alone, as their political savior, knows the "true path!"
Hold on one second...lemme check something.
BAM! That took all of ten seconds thanks to Google! Argument over. Me--1 Glenn Beck--infinite zero.
Let me be clear: I'm by no means a progressive. Here's my Political Compass score in case this is unbelievable.
I don't have a dog in the dumb Birther or Islamic fight. I honestly don't care either way. I'm just sick and damn tired of Tea Partiers and pseudo-libertarians ignorant and racist views lumped in with mine. I support small government. I support self-sufficiency. I support civic action. But I don't support Bible-thumping, poorly educated, right wingers who think Armageddon is coming because we elected a person who *has* been well cultured, actually *has* a degree, and (most importantly) has a different skin color!
The next post will be (slightly) more academic.
Until next time,
T
"His name is Barrack HUSSEIN!!!!! Obama. He's one of them goddamn Islams!"
"Is he a Muslim? I dunno. Does he have a birth certificate? I dunno, I'm just asking questions!"
"Barrack HUSSEIN!!!!!!! Obama has plunged this nation into pants-shitting, dear-Lord-God-Almighty-I-hope-I-don't-have-to-sell-my-kidney-to-buy-porn debt!"
Okay. Maybe they didn't *actually* say those things outright, but let's be honest, you know what I'm talking about. What will Barry O have to do to prove to people that he was born in America and is not a Muslim (not that that's a problem)? He's going to have to build a Star Gate-like contraption and go back in time to the exact moment of his birth (in America) and his baptism, and, while leaving the portal open, have these two events broadcasted on EVERY news channel in the country in order to convince the ignorant, white-trash, racists that they're wrong! But even then, Glenn Beck would heroically swoop down and save the day, convincing them that what they've witnessed is a conspiracy propagated by secular-humanist, liberal, progressive, American-hating, Islamic Communo-Fascists and that he alone, as their political savior, knows the "true path!"
Hold on one second...lemme check something.
 |
| This is NOT shopped! |
Let me be clear: I'm by no means a progressive. Here's my Political Compass score in case this is unbelievable.
(available at http://www.politicalcompass.org/)
I don't have a dog in the dumb Birther or Islamic fight. I honestly don't care either way. I'm just sick and damn tired of Tea Partiers and pseudo-libertarians ignorant and racist views lumped in with mine. I support small government. I support self-sufficiency. I support civic action. But I don't support Bible-thumping, poorly educated, right wingers who think Armageddon is coming because we elected a person who *has* been well cultured, actually *has* a degree, and (most importantly) has a different skin color!
The next post will be (slightly) more academic.
Until next time,
T
Thursday, February 24, 2011
"You're beautiful." Ummmm...yeah, no.
The other day one of the people I TA with and I were talking after class and she tells me that the young ladies on campus have started some sort of movement in posting stickers that say "you're beautiful" on bathroom walls. We talked about this for a minute, the conversation went something like:
Me: If you're getting a self-confidence boost based on what a post-it note on a bathroom stall says, then you've got problems much too big for that note.
Her: Hahahaha! Yeah, but some of those girls might actually need a boost.
Me: Well, what if they're not beautiful? I mean, not *every*one is attractive and I'm pretty sure that a lot of people do some pretty shitty things. Why tell them they're awesome if it's not true or they don't deserve it?
Her: Umm...well...umm...
I know I sound like a complete fucking asshole here...but I think I might be on to something. Why do we feel it necessary to remind people of their own inner beauty if the actions they have done suggest they have anything but? You shouldn't tell a girl she's a beautiful person if she's woken up in cum-stained sheets more often than a thirteen year old boy who's just discovered the dick-numbing bliss of hardcore porn. That's not a "beautiful person." That's a whore. If her personality was as golden as it's being made out to be then she shouldn't jump in bed with the first walking hard-on that tells her she's "special." Oh? You feel bad after that? There's a reason you do. It's called "shame."
I know a couple of women like that. They don't need to be told they're "beautiful." They've sold a part of themselves and they're going to have to work for it to get it back.
I'm going to have to do a little backtracking here. I'm not saying this as a chauvinist. I'm commenting on a trend that seems to permeate our culture of valuing people's self-esteem as the highest good...even to the point of protecting people who do bad things. Yes, I think there is inherent self worth but I also believe that the actions that people do either affirm that self worth or deny it. Those who deny it should not be lied to. You wouldn't reward a child who just stole candy in the same way as you wouldn't make someone feel better if they've just got done blowing half the Kappa Sig guys. They deserve that feeling.
Until next time,
T
Me: If you're getting a self-confidence boost based on what a post-it note on a bathroom stall says, then you've got problems much too big for that note.
Her: Hahahaha! Yeah, but some of those girls might actually need a boost.
Me: Well, what if they're not beautiful? I mean, not *every*one is attractive and I'm pretty sure that a lot of people do some pretty shitty things. Why tell them they're awesome if it's not true or they don't deserve it?
Her: Umm...well...umm...
I know I sound like a complete fucking asshole here...but I think I might be on to something. Why do we feel it necessary to remind people of their own inner beauty if the actions they have done suggest they have anything but? You shouldn't tell a girl she's a beautiful person if she's woken up in cum-stained sheets more often than a thirteen year old boy who's just discovered the dick-numbing bliss of hardcore porn. That's not a "beautiful person." That's a whore. If her personality was as golden as it's being made out to be then she shouldn't jump in bed with the first walking hard-on that tells her she's "special." Oh? You feel bad after that? There's a reason you do. It's called "shame."
I know a couple of women like that. They don't need to be told they're "beautiful." They've sold a part of themselves and they're going to have to work for it to get it back.
I'm going to have to do a little backtracking here. I'm not saying this as a chauvinist. I'm commenting on a trend that seems to permeate our culture of valuing people's self-esteem as the highest good...even to the point of protecting people who do bad things. Yes, I think there is inherent self worth but I also believe that the actions that people do either affirm that self worth or deny it. Those who deny it should not be lied to. You wouldn't reward a child who just stole candy in the same way as you wouldn't make someone feel better if they've just got done blowing half the Kappa Sig guys. They deserve that feeling.
Until next time,
T
Monday, February 21, 2011
10 Rules for TAs, or: How NOT to Act Around Undergrads
I've noticed that I'm becoming more of the eternal asshole that I was apparently born to be. This seems to come out more in my daily interactions with everyone whom I lovingly refer to as "the help*." However, I maintain the fact that one of the many few things I know how to do well is to tell people how NOT to act. This is mostly because I approach the vast majority of situations with either complete ignorance or as a robot whose "I don't give a fuck-dar" wasn't properly installed.
This is especially true of my interactions with undergrads. But your humble narrator must beg your indulgence, fair reader, for he assures you that his interactions with the plebeians of Academia have been everywhere on the spectrum from entertaining to embarrassingly shocking. I, therefore, consider this post to be a public service to all of you fellow grad students who are struggling with the utter impossibility of interaction with people who are, at most, seven years younger than you.
1.) The "three F's" should not be done with undergrads under MOST circumstances:
That's all for now.
Until next time,
T
*This is actually quite serious.
This is especially true of my interactions with undergrads. But your humble narrator must beg your indulgence, fair reader, for he assures you that his interactions with the plebeians of Academia have been everywhere on the spectrum from entertaining to embarrassingly shocking. I, therefore, consider this post to be a public service to all of you fellow grad students who are struggling with the utter impossibility of interaction with people who are, at most, seven years younger than you.
1.) The "three F's" should not be done with undergrads under MOST circumstances:
- Fighting...stay Socratic
- Feeding...their stomachs are black holes.
- Fucking...a good rule of thumb: if they're wearing a shirt that says "Class of '0something," no...just...no.
2.) Have your office hours wherever and whenever is the most comfortable for you. In other words, students NEVER come to them, so you might as well be at a place where you can have beer...trust me, after grading some particularly fucktarded essays you will NEED alcohol.
3.) Yes, you are technically working *for* your professor...but let's be honest, in your proverbial fiefdom, you are GOD.
4.) As a rule, what works with the other TAs, will only have marginal success at best with you.
5.) Ockham's Razor applied to Students: If a student asks a question that's in your super-specific sub area(s), a one sentence (max) response from you will be the only thing they will understand before your "superbrain" causes their supposed defunct one to implode.
6.) The only correct response to give a student who has just made a pass at you is "thank you."
7.) If you TA in an introductory lecture class, don't be a hard-ass grader. They all have to take the course for Christ's sake.
8.) Never talk about yourself in the following ways (unless, of course, you use VERY awkward humor like I do):
- Your sexual preferences.
- Your religion.
- Your politics.
- Your personal hatred of frats...even if it's all-consuming like mine.
9.) Never ask a student the following:
- Their sexual preferences, unless, of course, Rule 1 doesn't apply...and it CAN.
- Why they think Dave Matthews and Dane Cook are awesome...long story short, they won't know, but their friends like them!
- A question that has to be followed up by a long clarification.
10.) When it all boils down to it, you're doing this for the students. If you're not, then do something else.
That's all for now.
Until next time,
T
*This is actually quite serious.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
A Rewrite of Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'"
One of my friends suggested I post this. I think that writing out the lyrics in what I shall heretofore refer to as "Longspeak" really get at the darker (as "dark" as Journey can get) "motifs" of the song.
Lyrics by yours truly.
For comparison's sake, here are the real ones: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/j/journey/dont+stop+believin_20075670.html)
Merely a person of the female gender from a collection of houses and businesses ranging to what may be classified as a village to a small city.
Residing on a planet that necessarily leads to to the existential isolation of its inhabitants.
The person of the female gender that is in question boarded a locomotive, that was scheduled to run in the wee hours of the morning, to an indeterminate location.
Simply a young gentleman who, unlike the person of the female gender, was brought up in a larger collection of houses and business that is properly named "Detroit" (specifically in the southern region of said larger collection of houses and businesses).
This young man also boarded a locomotive, that was scheduled to run in the wee hours of the morning, to an indeterminate location.
(CHORUS)There are people, who are unfamiliar with each other, that are anticipating a certain event for which they are waiting along the sides of streets.
The vestiges of the aforementioned people are, like them, seeking an indeterminate thing when the sun goes down.
These people simply exist to find passionate meaning around lights that are propped up on poles.
While they shirk away from the pursuit of others in the darkness.
I, myself, must undergo great travail to attain sustenance.
All the people of this planet want a very exciting experience.
And they will wager whatever it takes for the possibility of having this experience
if they have tried before and failed.
However, some people will be successful in their endeavor
others will not.
Still others will wail cacophonous sounds of their own torture.
In this perpetually occurring film,
Which, redundantly enough, never reaches the conclusion.
(CHORUS)
It is preferable for you not to lose faith
While maintaining the imprint of your experiences
People who gather around lights propped up on poles.
It is preferable for you not to lose faith
While maintaining the imprint of your experiences
People who gather around lights propped up on poles.
It is preferable for you not to lose faith
While maintaining the imprint of your experiences
People who gather around lights propped up on poles.
Until next time,
T
Lyrics by yours truly.
For comparison's sake, here are the real ones: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/j/journey/dont+stop+believin_20075670.html)
Merely a person of the female gender from a collection of houses and businesses ranging to what may be classified as a village to a small city.
Residing on a planet that necessarily leads to to the existential isolation of its inhabitants.
The person of the female gender that is in question boarded a locomotive, that was scheduled to run in the wee hours of the morning, to an indeterminate location.
Simply a young gentleman who, unlike the person of the female gender, was brought up in a larger collection of houses and business that is properly named "Detroit" (specifically in the southern region of said larger collection of houses and businesses).
This young man also boarded a locomotive, that was scheduled to run in the wee hours of the morning, to an indeterminate location.
(CHORUS)There are people, who are unfamiliar with each other, that are anticipating a certain event for which they are waiting along the sides of streets.
The vestiges of the aforementioned people are, like them, seeking an indeterminate thing when the sun goes down.
These people simply exist to find passionate meaning around lights that are propped up on poles.
While they shirk away from the pursuit of others in the darkness.
I, myself, must undergo great travail to attain sustenance.
All the people of this planet want a very exciting experience.
And they will wager whatever it takes for the possibility of having this experience
if they have tried before and failed.
However, some people will be successful in their endeavor
others will not.
Still others will wail cacophonous sounds of their own torture.
In this perpetually occurring film,
Which, redundantly enough, never reaches the conclusion.
(CHORUS)
It is preferable for you not to lose faith
While maintaining the imprint of your experiences
People who gather around lights propped up on poles.
It is preferable for you not to lose faith
While maintaining the imprint of your experiences
People who gather around lights propped up on poles.
It is preferable for you not to lose faith
While maintaining the imprint of your experiences
People who gather around lights propped up on poles.
Until next time,
T
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Nicolas Cage: The Musical!
Okay...here's the idea.
Nicolas Cage is in a troubled sleep due to his recent problems with taxes and being a generally shitty human being. In his dream, he is assaulted and ridiculed by all of the characters from his many terrible movies. In order to wake from this dream he must seek the wisdom of the "Three Good Ones." These people are the characters from the only good movies he's been in: Leaving Las Vegas, Adaptation, and Lord of War.
Each of the "Three Good Ones" gives him clue to find out what will wake him up. The secret given is directly related to why that movie was actually good:
Leaving Las Vegas: (The woman picked you up)...Elizabeth Shue's awesome performance made the movie.
Adaptation: (Geniuses wrote the way)...Charlie Kaufman wrote this, amazing.
Lord of War: (The weaker die first)...Jared Leto, a far worse actor, is in this movie. This makes Cage look better by comparison.
Nicolas Cage then realizes the secret to him waking up...coming to terms with the fact that he's a bad actor. This prompts an internal battle between the "enlightened" Cage and the Cage that's still in denial.
Basically, Nicolas Cage is going to be the only character in the entire musical...
Go dogs,
T
Nicolas Cage is in a troubled sleep due to his recent problems with taxes and being a generally shitty human being. In his dream, he is assaulted and ridiculed by all of the characters from his many terrible movies. In order to wake from this dream he must seek the wisdom of the "Three Good Ones." These people are the characters from the only good movies he's been in: Leaving Las Vegas, Adaptation, and Lord of War.
Each of the "Three Good Ones" gives him clue to find out what will wake him up. The secret given is directly related to why that movie was actually good:
Leaving Las Vegas: (The woman picked you up)...Elizabeth Shue's awesome performance made the movie.
Adaptation: (Geniuses wrote the way)...Charlie Kaufman wrote this, amazing.
Lord of War: (The weaker die first)...Jared Leto, a far worse actor, is in this movie. This makes Cage look better by comparison.
Nicolas Cage then realizes the secret to him waking up...coming to terms with the fact that he's a bad actor. This prompts an internal battle between the "enlightened" Cage and the Cage that's still in denial.
Basically, Nicolas Cage is going to be the only character in the entire musical...
Go dogs,
T
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